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Thread: Dear FOO Abby:

  1. #1
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    Oct 2007
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    Default Dear FOO Abby:

    I am a slow witted older middle aged man still confused in life ....

    ... wondering, who do you think lives longer ...

    Type A or Type B Personality.

    Please let me know ASAP as I am attending LSD classes trying to figure out
    which type or tribe I should belong to?

    Everyone, next to me thinks that type A die quicker.
    Is that true?

    Because, I can think of a lot of type B who do nothing but sit....
    is that the secret to long life?


    Sincerely,

    Confused in Seattle.
    __________________

  2. #2
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    Oct 2007
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    Dear FOO Abby:

    I live in Pocatello, Idawho.

    My husband of many years .. so many that we can't count no longer.
    We used to count with how many teeth we got left.
    But, we don't got any, right now, and it is too darn expensive to get denture.

    Anyhooo, my husband asked me to be more attractive and seductive.

    He wants to rekindle the fire after 32 years of not doing .... you know what.


    ... How do I become desirable to that old darn disgusting husband, you know, he hadn't bathed since 2002.


    Sincerely,

    Dying in Pocatello of boredom.
    __________________

  3. #3
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    Oct 2007
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    Dear FOO Abby:

    My 8 year old son came home the other day with a new pet he said he found on the streets ....

    He put it inside his lunch pale and brought it home.

    When he came home he took his new pet out of his lunch box and showed my wife and daughters.....
    they (my wife and daughter) started running away ... screaming hysterically.

    My son already named his new pet after his old dead dog ... "tiny"


    The problem is that my son found a pretty big black street rat.

    My wife said either the rat goes or we (my son and I) go.

    Believe it or not this ugly black rat has brought a lot of joyment into my son.


    What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    Motel 6 in a 'Philly Burb
    __________________

  4. #4
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    Jun 2007
    Location
    North Pole
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    Quote Originally Posted by GPGUgrad View Post
    Dear FOO Abby:

    I live in Pocatello, Idawho.

    My husband of many years .. so many that we can't count no longer.
    We used to count with how many teeth we got left.
    But, we don't got any, right now, and it is too darn expensive to get denture.

    Anyhooo, my husband asked me to be more attractive and seductive.

    He wants to rekindle the fire after 32 years of not doing .... you know what.


    ... How do I become desirable to that old darn disgusting husband, you know, he hadn't bathed since 2002.


    Sincerely,

    Dying in Pocatello of boredom.

    Dear Mrs Pocatello.

    Tonight, get your husband really really drunk and excited, flirt with him like
    you used to do when you were in High School.

    You can still remember that?

    If not, don't worry.

    After your husband is drunk out of his ass....
    Go to your field and pick one of your more fluffy sheep.

    Tell your husband it is a brand new white sheep coat
    you got for him.... and that you are naked underneath.

    Let the sheep lose and then, go out to the nearest bar in Pocatello and
    see what kind of hell you can raise by yourself?

    BTW, where is Pocatello and what do you do there for fun....?


    sincerely,

    2nd Assistant to FOO Abby
    she is not in the office today,
    I am sorry, she is skiing in
    Colorado and she will be back
    whenever she feels like it.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by GPGUgrad View Post
    Dear FOO Abby:

    My 8 year old son came home the other day with a new pet he said he found on the streets ....

    He put it inside his lunch pale and brought it home.

    When he came home he took his new pet out of his lunch box and showed my wife and daughters.....
    they (my wife and daughter) started running away ... screaming hysterically.

    My son already named his new pet after his old dead dog ... "tiny"


    The problem is that my son found a pretty big black street rat.

    My wife said either the rat goes or we (my son and I) go.

    Believe it or not this ugly black rat has brought a lot of joyment into my son.


    What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    Motel 6 in a 'Philly Burb

    Dear Willard,

    Don't worry, it is not so bad living in a Motel 6.
    Trust me when I say this. I have lived half my life traveling from Motel 6 to Motel 6.
    Think of all the different cities you will get to experience.

    If your old wife (nag) can't except the fact that this helpless, black rat is doing ...
    extreme therapy and good for your son...
    then, the choice is easy my friend.

    Go to the bank, close all the accounts, buy yourself a sailboat for your son and that rat.

    Happy Sailings!
    Oh, is there water near that Motel 6 in Philly Burb
    to launch your new sailboat?

    P.S. Please document your new sailboat adventure, remember they made a movie called: "Willard"
    about a rat. Think of the new Willard movie on a sailboat sailing the Boston Harbour.

    sincerely,

    2nd Assistant to FOO Abby
    she is not in the office today,
    I am sorry, she is skiing in
    Colorado and she will be back
    whenever she feels like it.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    17,540

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    Dear Foo

    This is Dix … Doug.

    How does one get more, you know, women?

    I've tried everything, and the only thing that seems to work is money, lots and lots of money. There must be a better way, right?

    Confused, And less Rich

    "Doug"
    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
    Mark Twain.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    North Pole
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    Quote Originally Posted by DixieZag View Post
    Dear Foo

    This is Dix … Doug.

    How does one get more, you know, women?

    I've tried everything, and the only thing that seems to work is money, lots and lots of money. There must be a better way, right?

    Confused, And less Rich

    "Doug"

    Dear Doug/Dix

    The answer is simple ...

    You don't need good looks, youth or money. That's just a myth.
    That's what women are telling us what they want, but not true.

    You don't even need to flatter women.... they love it when you ignore them.


    The number 1 way to get women instantly is this:
    (Oh, by the way, if this works for you send me $10 for the free advice.)

    1. Go to your nearest food store.

    2. Buy, yourself, one of those Polish Kebab Weiner bag, any brand would do.

    3. Find yourself the tightest pair of jean you can still fit in.

    4. Stuff that 12" Polish wiener you just purchased at the store.

    5. Take pictures of that big bulge with your cell phone.

    6. Upload pic in POF.

    7. Wait 10 minutes for the ad to post.

    8. Guaranteed to get non-stop text/cell phone messages.


    Now, go out having fun fishing with your new toy!



    sincerely,

    2nd Assistant to FOO Abby
    she is not in the office today,
    I am sorry, she is skiing in
    Colorado and she will be back
    whenever she feels like it.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Greater Tacoma
    Posts
    5,358

    Default

    .
    .
    .
    "thnk god for few" jazzdelmar(12/12/11 12:50pm)
    .
    "When most of us couldn't buy a basket. Where do we get off anyway?!" siliconzag (11/17/06 5:45:41 pm)
    .
    I am monitoring the price of a donut
    .

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    1,395

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TrekkerZag View Post
    Dear Doug/Dix

    The answer is simple ...

    2. Buy, yourself, one of those Polish Kebab Weiner bag, any brand would do.


    4. Stuff that 12" Polish wiener you just purchased at the store.
    Kielbasa? Although that would add a new twist to "who stole the kishka"...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    17,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TrekkerZag View Post
    Dear Doug/Dix

    The answer is simple ...

    You don't need good looks, youth or money. That's just a myth.
    That's what women are telling us what they want, but not true.

    You don't even need to flatter women.... they love it when you ignore them.


    The number 1 way to get women instantly is this:
    (Oh, by the way, if this works for you send me $10 for the free advice.)

    1. Go to your nearest food store.

    2. Buy, yourself, one of those Polish Kebab Weiner bag, any brand would do.

    3. Find yourself the tightest pair of jean you can still fit in.

    4. Stuff that 12" Polish wiener you just purchased at the store.

    5. Take pictures of that big bulge with your cell phone.

    6. Upload pic in POF.

    7. Wait 10 minutes for the ad to post.

    8. Guaranteed to get non-stop text/cell phone messages.


    Now, go out having fun fishing with your new toy!



    sincerely,

    2nd Assistant to FOO Abby
    she is not in the office today,
    I am sorry, she is skiing in
    Colorado and she will be back
    whenever she feels like it.
    I need to put another 12 inch bulge in my waist?



    Doug.
    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
    Mark Twain.

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