Memo to Birddog

[surfmonkey89]

Roy!

So angry right now.

[GoZags]

So angry right now.

So angry right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-H7Hh57n8wI

Hey .... did I just find the slogan that'll bring Snapco BAAACK?

[Bowser]

Memo to Birddog - Blue Blood Edition

Canem Avem:

Greetings and salutations! I find myself near despair as a result of my failure to commemorate our corporate anniversary. My most sincere apologies. While there is no excuse for such behavior, the disintegration of our lingerie line has proved to exacerbate my predilection for late and furious Valentine’s Day shopping for my beloved. While I am sure you have noticed that most ladies consider me a romantic gentleman, in reality, I eschew the romantic. I am no Troilus my friend!

Some of our mutual chums badgered me into traveling to Spokane for a Gonzaga alumni function, a decennial ritual. Of course I was apprehensive given SnapCo’s turn of the century marketing disaster but such apprehension was misplaced. I strolled the campus like a Colossus! It was my good fortune that the Jesuit Order still adheres to one tenet of Catholicism, the spirit of reconciliation. [I think we also owe a huge debt to Edmund Burke for championing the statute of limitations. I was astounded our legal counsel knew nothing of Burke!]

Upon seeing the material improvement of the facilities [at a large expense I presume], I remarked to rather spritely co-ed that “Gonzaga must be back in the indulgence business.” She refused to engage in repartee, communication which you and I would consider customary. Such flippancy! For those of us who endured the Delta Tau Chi conditions of the decade of the Seventies, it was a monstrous insult! The trollop! I would wager she has never turned a page of “Pride and Prejudice.”

My lack of facility with technology caused me to miss a number of games this year. In addition, the chums overlooked my need for tickets in order to attend the Portland Pilots game. And, unfortunately, the unpleasantries with Phil Knight continued so I declined an invitation to attend PK80. Speaking of unfortunate unpleasantries, I scanned GUB for the inspiration so associated with sporting activities only to be confounded by less than charitable repartee and no poetic or literary references. I thought of contacting Theodore, the crisis counselor at the Foundation, but reconsidered, postulating that Dr. Westheimer would be more likely to cure what ails that Board. I listened with rapture to her suggestions but had to remind her of FDA guidelines on erectile dysfunction medications and the necessity of frugality given the needed volume of fine Irish spirits to accomplish the task. Her initial guffaw slowly turned into a deep-throated chuckle. By the way, she sends her regards.

I remain optimistic of the basketball squad’s chances in the NCAA tournament. When I grasp a copy of the Spokesman Review in my left hand and close my eyes, I have a vision of a bright sun breaking the astral plane, a fireball ascendant through time and space, slowing as it reaches a bright orange ring. I later ground myself by dusting off my VCR copy of the 1999 Florida game. It brings me comfort. The grandchildren, being of an age in which discernment of another’s happiness is a rare skill, beggar their Grandpapa for control of the media center. I deny them and hand them a copy of Ulysses and my concordance. “I recommend that you commence your education with this classic. That is unless you have an urge to re-read the Iliad . . . using the Lattimore translation!.” They are lucky to have a wise Grandpapa!

I seldom engage on the GUB board. It brings me no joy. Perhaps I am guided by Matthew 7:6 [not that I would ever use a Biblical metaphor to describe my fellow Bulldog fans! And not that I would ever engage in self-parody!]. Still, why should I endeavor to produce some tawdry literary effort when the story of Gargantua and Pantagruel sits on shelves gathering dust? [Ah Rablais!]. Plus, I have great doubt that a trip to Boise will generate any story for which there is great interest. As I understand it, there are no suitable gentlemen’s clubs in Boise. I suppose if we were playing the University of Texas at El Paso we could at least arrange an outing to historic Wallace. I suspect the Greensboro faithful would be repulsed by our debauchery and profligacy so for once I encourage moderation.

Regarding the game: my prediction is that Gonzaga prevails unless it fails to do so.

Though I am loathe to offer financial advice upon direction of legal counsel, I hope you continue to employ an option strategy with SnapCo. Meeting with representatives from Amazon on the morn.

Your Humble Correspondent,

Bowser

[JPtheBeasta]

These are still mostly over my head but I enjoy them a great deal.

[kiroczag]

As I peruse and ponder the words of this post, I can't help but think of T.S. Elliot's assessment of another Ulysses.
"The next generation is responsible for its own soul; a man of genius is responsible to his peers, not to a studio full of uneducated and undisciplined coxcombs."

[kitzbuel]

I never was clear as to whether it was SnapCo that initiated a hostile take-over of Nike or vice versa.

[rennis]

that is gold. thanks for the laugh

[mee755]

What joy you hath bestowed upon me!

Yeah...that's about as uppity as you'll get from this chick. I'm a little amiss at the demise of our one-time-entreneurship. I get it. Chicks age, bodies change, 40-something (gasp) isn't 20-something, and even though I might choose to identify as a 26-yr-old, the package doesn't fit the image...
Expected downward slopes in the profit margin for the future projections when mee continues as your model. But, guys, I really have tried. I drink as much alcohol as I can to preserve what I got. Maybe we consider a new product? The G-spot-for-U vibrator? We could market it as a his/hers/couples item.
Think about it.

[upan8th]

Wait. Ken Kesey is late. Am I right?

[Birddog]

The G-spot-for-U vibrator? We could market it as a his/hers/couples item.

mee, fabulous idea, great to have you back. Lets get get together with Bowser on skype and do some brainstorming later, I have to go to Okmulgee and Muskogee today to protect some assets. How was rehab?

[229SintoZag]

Bowser lives!

All is now as it should be. Carry on folks.

And Bowser don’t blame me for failing to secure tickets to the Pilots game. That was on the Pontiff and he will have to justify that slight himself. He and I did attend together and I was kind of wondering where you were. I had to scrounge elsewhere this year for insider information on Snapco. Luckily I know some honchos at Amazon who do M&A work so I was able to get in on this before the news broke on Bloomberg.

[Bowser]

Product Review; Hobbit References

Bird:

Saw the note from Mee. She may be on to something. Was watching Frankie and Grace last week under duress. Thought one of the daughters looked familiar. You think? Even an idea uprooted from a Jane Fonda/Lily Tomlin sitcom is okay by me if brings in the Benjamins. No yam cream though. I heard Jane has cornered the commodities market in yams and other tubers. Will she ever stop being a thorn in her sides?

Bowser

PS: Stop calling me Frodo. Think about it. Makes you Sam.

[BobZag]

But Jane's mandibles will never equal Keira Knightley's.

[Bowser]

Agreed BZ. Keira's mandible is rounded, soft and supple, inviting you to hold it lightly, your forefinger barely touching her skin. In contrast, sources tell me Jane has developed a "man-jaw." Unfortunately, it detracts from her other physical assets, despite being well-preserved for her age and mileage.