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Thread: Memo to Birddog

  1. #1
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    Default Memo to Birddog

    Bird:

    Been a long time Bro. Sorry I missed the SnapCo anniversary. I was busy. I am sure you remember SnapCo had to discontinue the lingerie line after the unfortunate series of eye injuries on the cruise ship to St. Maarten. So you know I couldn't just run into the warehouse this year and grab a handful of thongs for Mrs. Bowser. That shopping #### takes time and even though most gals immediately mark me as a romantic, I have never much been into retail gifting. Stressful. And Flora refuses to do personal shopping. She's a clean freak and the water bills for refilling the hot tub are killing me.

    Had to lay low for awhile because I had plans to visit Spokane for one of those reunion things. The Administration is still a little touchy over us filling the Kennel air bazookas with SnapCo lingerie instead of t-shirts. Long memories. Anyway I made my way around the campus. Good God that place has changed. When I walked into the new COG, I thought I was in the Portland airport: the food spots, the banks, the lounges, etc. Not the same ####hole from the 70s. I strolled around for a couple hours. I guess the restraining order[s] had expired because no one hassled me. I can't keep track anyway. Our lawyers can't even run an Excel spreadsheet to save their asses.

    Didn't watch many games this year due to technical problems. Screw Comcast. And ESPN. Wasn't invited to the Puddletown game this year and Phil Knight blacklisted me for PK80. Lurked GUB the last couple of months. Holy ####. I didn't know whether to call Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth. The place was a mess. Rather than celebrating the season, boy, people were getting pissy. And nobody does poetry or haikus anymore, not that I think that's not a good idea. Dr. Phil refused to take my calls [should have comped him the "Bufurd ####er" when he asked]. Dr. Ruth had a couple ideas but I told her there wasn't enough Viagra or Irish whiskey or body paint. She laughed. She also said to say hi.

    Gotta say I am pumped about our [our?] chances in the tourney. I got a strange sense, I think this team is going to keep surprising people. You know the under 30 crowd doesn't have our old guy POV; they don't understand the Gonzaga Chip. I'm sensing a chip, big time. [Nevertheless, I do think UNCG is going to give us a tough time.] Been running the final three minutes of the 99 Florida game [I know our era has the damn thing memorized] to the point Mrs. B has been throwing beer bottles at me [Trust me, her aim has improved since you last saw her.] and the grandkids are whining they want to see the "real Cinderella, Grandpa". I tell them to sit their butts down and learn something. But I'm pretty chill for a Boomer.

    I don't know if I should take the time to post on GUB. I mean what's the point? The hot oil massage stories get pretty old especially when a sense of decorum prevents you from describing each of the gals with precision. I know: family site. It's not like I can take an Akron fan to the Acropolis every year. And we're in Boise not Wallace for God's sake. Even without all of that you know how prone I am to vulgarity and innuendo [the bad kind], especially this time of the year. And when I'm sober. Not sure if the good folks of Greensboro deserve that. Not sure the GUB regulars can take it either. Whatever. We will keep winning until we lose.

    BTW you shouldn't have dumped your SnapCo stock. Talking to Bezos in the a.m.

    Your Pal,

    Bowser

  2. #2
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    Default ...and there it is.


  3. #3
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    Boom.

    Chances this thread gets reported by people who have no clue what just happened are at an all time high.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pargo the Destroyer View Post
    Boom.

    Chances this thread gets reported by people who have no clue what just happened are at an all time high.
    Threads like these ensure we'll never be thought of as "blue bloods", and that makes me happy. lol

  5. #5
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    4 posts in and nary a mention of Jane.

    I'm thinking that's a good thing.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by GoZags View Post
    4 posts in and nary a mention of Jane.

    I'm thinking that's a good thing.
    Ahhhh, the lithesome Jane Austin. Who that knew her doesn't long for her. Jane made fishnet stockings popular again. Jane was the sildenafil in the Zag KoolAid but you can't go home again, can you?
    Birddog

    Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
    Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
    All mimsy were the borogoves,
    And the mome raths outgrabe.

  7. #7
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    Another gonzo scatalogical essay?

    "Carpe Diem" Go Zags!

  8. #8
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    Default

    I approve of this post.

  9. #9
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    Default


  10. #10
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    Is Bowser's genius a blessing...or a curse?

    I vote the former.

    Brilliant!

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pargo the Destroyer View Post
    Boom.

    Chances this thread gets reported by people who have no clue what just happened are at an all time high.
    Allow myself to introduce....myself...

  12. #12
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    Default

    :-)

  13. #13

    Default

    It's not March until.....you reach February 30th or Bowser makes his annual post.

    On to the dance!

  14. #14

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    Hey Bowser,

    Great to hear from you. Give my best to Jane, and if you ever find that burrito post, send me a DM. I never thought it would be that popular, so I never saved it. To be honest, today's surf kinda regrets ripping the guy. That was probably version 2.0 of me, and just like Microsoft, it takes until version 3.0 to get it right. At least it brought others joy I guess

    From way downtown as always,
    Surf

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by surfmonkey89 View Post
    Hey Bowser,

    Great to hear from you. Give my best to Jane, and if you ever find that burrito post, send me a DM. I never thought it would be that popular, so I never saved it. To be honest, today's surf kinda regrets ripping the guy. That was probably version 2.0 of me, and just like Microsoft, it takes until version 3.0 to get it right. At least it brought others joy I guess

    From way downtown as always,
    Surf
    Roy!
    The Kennel: "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

  16. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by BobZag View Post
    Roy!
    So angry right now.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by surfmonkey89 View Post
    So angry right now.
    So angry right now.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-H7Hh57n8wI

    Hey .... did I just find the slogan that'll bring Snapco BAAACK?

  18. #18
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    Default Memo to Birddog - Blue Blood Edition

    Canem Avem:

    Greetings and salutations! I find myself near despair as a result of my failure to commemorate our corporate anniversary. My most sincere apologies. While there is no excuse for such behavior, the disintegration of our lingerie line has proved to exacerbate my predilection for late and furious Valentine’s Day shopping for my beloved. While I am sure you have noticed that most ladies consider me a romantic gentleman, in reality, I eschew the romantic. I am no Troilus my friend!

    Some of our mutual chums badgered me into traveling to Spokane for a Gonzaga alumni function, a decennial ritual. Of course I was apprehensive given SnapCo’s turn of the century marketing disaster but such apprehension was misplaced. I strolled the campus like a Colossus! It was my good fortune that the Jesuit Order still adheres to one tenet of Catholicism, the spirit of reconciliation. [I think we also owe a huge debt to Edmund Burke for championing the statute of limitations. I was astounded our legal counsel knew nothing of Burke!]

    Upon seeing the material improvement of the facilities [at a large expense I presume], I remarked to rather spritely co-ed that “Gonzaga must be back in the indulgence business.” She refused to engage in repartee, communication which you and I would consider customary. Such flippancy! For those of us who endured the Delta Tau Chi conditions of the decade of the Seventies, it was a monstrous insult! The trollop! I would wager she has never turned a page of “Pride and Prejudice.”

    My lack of facility with technology caused me to miss a number of games this year. In addition, the chums overlooked my need for tickets in order to attend the Portland Pilots game. And, unfortunately, the unpleasantries with Phil Knight continued so I declined an invitation to attend PK80. Speaking of unfortunate unpleasantries, I scanned GUB for the inspiration so associated with sporting activities only to be confounded by less than charitable repartee and no poetic or literary references. I thought of contacting Theodore, the crisis counselor at the Foundation, but reconsidered, postulating that Dr. Westheimer would be more likely to cure what ails that Board. I listened with rapture to her suggestions but had to remind her of FDA guidelines on erectile dysfunction medications and the necessity of frugality given the needed volume of fine Irish spirits to accomplish the task. Her initial guffaw slowly turned into a deep-throated chuckle. By the way, she sends her regards.

    I remain optimistic of the basketball squad’s chances in the NCAA tournament. When I grasp a copy of the Spokesman Review in my left hand and close my eyes, I have a vision of a bright sun breaking the astral plane, a fireball ascendant through time and space, slowing as it reaches a bright orange ring. I later ground myself by dusting off my VCR copy of the 1999 Florida game. It brings me comfort. The grandchildren, being of an age in which discernment of another’s happiness is a rare skill, beggar their Grandpapa for control of the media center. I deny them and hand them a copy of Ulysses and my concordance. “I recommend that you commence your education with this classic. That is unless you have an urge to re-read the Iliad . . . using the Lattimore translation!.” They are lucky to have a wise Grandpapa!

    I seldom engage on the GUB board. It brings me no joy. Perhaps I am guided by Matthew 7:6 [not that I would ever use a Biblical metaphor to describe my fellow Bulldog fans! And not that I would ever engage in self-parody!]. Still, why should I endeavor to produce some tawdry literary effort when the story of Gargantua and Pantagruel sits on shelves gathering dust? [Ah Rablais!]. Plus, I have great doubt that a trip to Boise will generate any story for which there is great interest. As I understand it, there are no suitable gentlemen’s clubs in Boise. I suppose if we were playing the University of Texas at El Paso we could at least arrange an outing to historic Wallace. I suspect the Greensboro faithful would be repulsed by our debauchery and profligacy so for once I encourage moderation.

    Regarding the game: my prediction is that Gonzaga prevails unless it fails to do so.

    Though I am loathe to offer financial advice upon direction of legal counsel, I hope you continue to employ an option strategy with SnapCo. Meeting with representatives from Amazon on the morn.

    Your Humble Correspondent,

    Bowser

  19. #19
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    Default

    These are still mostly over my head but I enjoy them a great deal.

  20. #20

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    As I peruse and ponder the words of this post, I can't help but think of T.S. Elliot's assessment of another Ulysses.
    "The next generation is responsible for its own soul; a man of genius is responsible to his peers, not to a studio full of uneducated and undisciplined coxcombs."

  21. #21
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    I never was clear as to whether it was SnapCo that initiated a hostile take-over of Nike or vice versa.
    'I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.'
    - Gandalf the Grey

    ________________________________



    Foo Time

  22. #22
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    that is gold. thanks for the laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Coach Few
    We are not here as a #%$&%&! Courtesy!!!

  23. #23
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    What joy you hath bestowed upon me!

    Yeah...that's about as uppity as you'll get from this chick. I'm a little amiss at the demise of our one-time-entreneurship. I get it. Chicks age, bodies change, 40-something (gasp) isn't 20-something, and even though I might choose to identify as a 26-yr-old, the package doesn't fit the image...
    Expected downward slopes in the profit margin for the future projections when mee continues as your model. But, guys, I really have tried. I drink as much alcohol as I can to preserve what I got. Maybe we consider a new product? The G-spot-for-U vibrator? We could market it as a his/hers/couples item.
    Think about it.
    ...and there definitely is no such thing as Prince Charming.

  24. #24
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    Wait. Ken Kesey is late. Am I right?

  25. #25
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    The G-spot-for-U vibrator? We could market it as a his/hers/couples item.
    mee, fabulous idea, great to have you back. Lets get get together with Bowser on skype and do some brainstorming later, I have to go to Okmulgee and Muskogee today to protect some assets. How was rehab?
    Birddog

    Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
    Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
    All mimsy were the borogoves,
    And the mome raths outgrabe.

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