Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 51 to 75 of 87

Thread: Dad Joke Thread

  1. #51
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    8,466

    Default

    I'm laughing. Why aren't you?

  2. #52
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    On an island that is long
    Posts
    13,816

    Default

    Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
    "And Morrison? He did what All-Americans do. He shot daggers in the daylight and stole a win." - Steve Kelley (Seattle Times)

    "Gonzaga is a special place, with special people!" - Dan Dickau #21

    Foo me once shame on you, Foo me twice shame on me.

    2012 Foostrodamus - Foothsayer of Death

  3. #53
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    On an island that is long
    Posts
    13,816

    Default

    Food is great but there is no atmosphere.
    "And Morrison? He did what All-Americans do. He shot daggers in the daylight and stole a win." - Steve Kelley (Seattle Times)

    "Gonzaga is a special place, with special people!" - Dan Dickau #21

    Foo me once shame on you, Foo me twice shame on me.

    2012 Foostrodamus - Foothsayer of Death

  4. #54
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Greater Tacoma
    Posts
    5,507

    Default

    Dad Joke: Why do you always see ghouls and demons together?
    .
    .
    .
    "thnk god for few" jazzdelmar(12/12/11 12:50pm)
    .
    "When most of us couldn't buy a basket. Where do we get off anyway?!" siliconzag (11/17/06 5:45:41 pm)
    .
    I am monitoring the price of a donut
    .

  5. #55
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Greater Tacoma
    Posts
    5,507

    Default

    Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
    .
    .
    .
    "thnk god for few" jazzdelmar(12/12/11 12:50pm)
    .
    "When most of us couldn't buy a basket. Where do we get off anyway?!" siliconzag (11/17/06 5:45:41 pm)
    .
    I am monitoring the price of a donut
    .

  6. #56
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  7. #57
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    You rocket.
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  8. #58
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    1,710

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Centre Mad Man View Post
    How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
    Would that be an "astroTOT"?

  9. #59
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    8,466

    Default

    A man and his wife are awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

    “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.

    “Who was that?” asked his wife.

    “Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

    “Did you help him?” she asks.

    “No, I did not, it’s 3 am in the morning and it’s pouring out there!”

    “Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him.”

    The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

    “Yes,” comes back the answer.

    “Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

    “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

    “Where are you?” asks the husband.

    “Over here on the swing,” replies the drunk
    I'm laughing. Why aren't you?

  10. #60
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    “Orion’s Belt is a huge waste of space.”

    ...bad joke...three stars...
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  11. #61
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    Why was six afraid of seven?


    Because 7-8-9.
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  12. #62
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    That joke has been around for a long time and seven has been stigmatized, because nobody asked him why.
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  13. #63
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    Why did seven eat nine?

    Because he was told to eat 3 squared meals per day
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  14. #64
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    8,466

    Default

    Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
    The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
    'Eight', the boy replied.
    The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
    The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
    "Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
    "Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."
    I'm laughing. Why aren't you?

  15. #65
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    Did you hear?

    That Oxygen...and Magnesium...

    Are dating?




    OMG!
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  16. #66
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    On an island that is long
    Posts
    13,816

    Default

    My wife told me to stop pretending to be butter... but I am on a roll now.
    "And Morrison? He did what All-Americans do. He shot daggers in the daylight and stole a win." - Steve Kelley (Seattle Times)

    "Gonzaga is a special place, with special people!" - Dan Dickau #21

    Foo me once shame on you, Foo me twice shame on me.

    2012 Foostrodamus - Foothsayer of Death

  17. #67
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    What breed of dogs do scientists prefer?

    Lab-ra-dor retrievers.
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  18. #68
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America?


    Because freedom rings.



    Happy Independence Day to all who foo.
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  19. #69
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    Bay Area, CA
    Posts
    693

    Default

    A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers, please."
    My posts indicate that I don't seem to follow college basketball all that closely.

  20. #70
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    16,705

    Default

    A perfectionist walked into a bar...




    Apparently it was set too low.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    'I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bayÖ small acts of kindness and love.'
    - Gandalf the Grey

    ________________________________



    Foo Time

  21. #71
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    18,977

    Default

    A guy and his friend are out duck hunting.

    His friend suddenly grabs at his chest in pain and falls down, looks to be losing consciousness.

    Guy dials 911

    Guy: "I am out in the woods with my friend, it looks like he's having a heart attack. He's not conscious. I think I remember CPR, what do I do?"

    911: "I am sending help. Use CPR only if he's stopped breathing and has no pulse. First, make absolutely sure he's not breathing and no pulse"

    Guy: "Okay"

    ... BANG!

    Guy: "Okay, now what?"





    Fairly twisted, I know. But in a New Yorker article on "why we laugh" they talked all about the research and one part was - out of one-hundred selected - which one rated highest among the people studied. For some reason it was the above. (Or very close to the wording)
    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
    Mark Twain.

  22. #72
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    Bay Area, CA
    Posts
    693

    Default

    When does a regular joke become a dad joke?





    When it becomes apparent!
    My posts indicate that I don't seem to follow college basketball all that closely.

  23. #73
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Momís Basement
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    No joke becomes a dad joke, until it is fully groan.
    Gonzaga has defeated Baylor, Illinois, Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, Arizona, Creighton, Oklahoma, Florida State, Texas A&M, Oregon, Iowa, West Virginia, Auburn, USC, and Washington over just the past three seasons.

  24. #74
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Just north of I-80
    Posts
    48,364

    Default

    Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

    So when they return to port they can Scandinavian.

  25. #75
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    8,466

    Default

    RETIRED HUSBAND

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women

    - she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

    Dear Mrs. Harris,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares.. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted

    area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
    blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children bliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed trough, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
    I'm laughing. Why aren't you?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •