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Thread: Dad Joke Thread

  1. #26
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    Man goes to the doctor and drops his pants, pointing to his "thing" which was so disclosered as to look almost plaid.

    The doctor said, "Your thing looks plaid!"

    The man says, "I know, what can we to fix it?"

    The doctor says, "Fix it? We have to cut it off right now!"

    The man runs out the office, desperately wanting a second opinion.

    He goes into the second doctor, drops his pants.

    Doctor says, "Oh my, that's the worst I've seen in years, it's practically plaid, we're going to have to cut that off right now!"

    The guy runs out of the office.

    He's running and running, thinking about differing scenarios, and eventually runs out of the medical plaza and into a regular area of town. He sees a sign for a doctor of Chinese Traditional Medicine, he thinks "Ah, now he might think of something different."

    He walks in and drops his pants.

    The Chinese doctor says "You thing looks plaid!"

    The guys says "I know, and the urologists all want to cut it off!"

    The Chinese doctor gets a grave look in his eye, shakes his head and starts giggling, "The western doctors want to cut it off, huh?"

    "Yes."

    Chinese doctor starts laughing. The guy starts laughing with him.

    Chinese doctor says "Westerners always want to jump to extremes!"

    The guy says "You mean you don't have to cut my thing off?"

    The Chinese doctor laughs harder, "No, son, no. No one needs to do that."

    The guys is so relieved he hugs the doctor.

    The doctor shrugs, "Don't worry, in a few days it will fall off all by itself. Won't hurt at all."
    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
    Mark Twain.

  2. #27
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    911 operator picks up the phone:

    "911 please state your emergency."

    "I'm out hunting with a friend, he grabbed at his heart, screamed in pain and passed out. I think he's had

    "I'm sending paramedics to your location, please stay on the line with me."

    "...a heart attack."

    "Is your friend conscious?"

    "No, not at all. I think I should start CPR. Do I start CPR?"

    "Do not start CPR unless you're sure his heart has stopped."

    "Alright, just a second."

    BANG!

    "Okay, now?"
    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
    Mark Twain.

  3. #28
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    Why can’t seagulls fly bayside.
    'I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.'
    - Gandalf the Grey

    ________________________________



    Foo Time

  4. #29
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    Cause then they would be bagels.
    'I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.'
    - Gandalf the Grey

    ________________________________



    Foo Time

  5. #30
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    Default Will Farrell v. Mark Wahlberg Dad Joke Showdown

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  6. #31
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    Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?
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  7. #32
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    Because they’re all dead.
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    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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  8. #33
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    Where do library books sleep at night?




    Under their covers.

  9. #34
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    What NFL team goes on the most vacations?



    The Green Bay Packers

  10. #35
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    An Irishman's first drink with his son

    While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.

    Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.

    I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
    Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager?

    He didn't. I drank it.

    I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope!

    In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest whisky.

    He wouldn't even smell it.

    What could I do but drink it!

    By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so ####-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home!!!
    Hoping you have a sense of humor too!

  11. #36
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    What kind of fish goes great with peanut butter?
    “There is no premium content on the GUBoards. We get what we pay for.”
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  12. #37
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    Jellyfish.
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    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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  13. #38
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    Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
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    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
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  14. #39
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    Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
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    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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  15. #40
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    Have you seen the movie "Constipation?"

  16. #41
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    It hasn't come out yet.

  17. #42
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    What do you call a pig who plays football?
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    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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  18. #43
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    A swinebacker.
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  19. #44
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    Damn, I thought the answer was Kafusi

  20. #45
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    What do you get when you cross an elephant with an airplane?
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    -12-21-2012
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  21. #46
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    A jumbo jet.
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    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
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  22. #47
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    What do you get when you cross an elephant with a clown?
    “There is no premium content on the GUBoards. We get what we pay for.”
    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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  23. #48
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    A jumbo jester.
    “There is no premium content on the GUBoards. We get what we pay for.”
    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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  24. #49
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    Knock knock

    Who's there?

    Dishes.

    Dishes who?

    Dish'es Sean Connery

  25. #50
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    'I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.'
    - Gandalf the Grey

    ________________________________



    Foo Time

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