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Why did the belt go to jail?
He held a pair of pants up.
He held a pair of pants up.
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What’s a dinosaur’s least favorite reindeer?
Comet.“No team in the country has a better winning percentage against power conference teams since 2017 than Gonzaga... the Zags are playing above average teams in the best leagues in the country and winning 78% of the time.”
-Ken Pomeroy-
https://www.ksl.com/article/50342950...in-perspectiveComment
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How do ducks learn to fly?
They just wing it.
My 4 year old told me this one today. I thought he was asking a genuine question and then he gives me the punchline
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What do you get if you put salt on a Christmas card?
A seasoned greetingYou can't make a half sandwich. If it's not half of a whole sandwich, it's just a small sandwich.Comment
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Well, today was not a good day. I decided to go horse riding, something I haven't done in many years. It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slowly, but then we went a little faster; before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn't stop.
Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine. But he had the nerve to take the rest of my change so I wouldn't attempt to ride the Elephant.
Merry Christmas to all you foosters!Not even a smile? What's your problem!Comment
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Haha! Those machines are surprisingly hard to find now! Outside of hiding in clothes racks and watching your mom frantically look for you, the kiddie rides were the best part of going shopping when I was a kid!Originally posted by willandi View PostComment
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What do you get when you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A PineappleComment
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What do you get when Santa goes down a chimney with a lit fireplace?
Crisp KringleComment
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What do you buy a mummy for Christmas?
Gift WrapComment
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How did Darth Vader know what Obi Wan got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents.“No team in the country has a better winning percentage against power conference teams since 2017 than Gonzaga... the Zags are playing above average teams in the best leagues in the country and winning 78% of the time.”
-Ken Pomeroy-
https://www.ksl.com/article/50342950...in-perspectiveComment
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Man goes to the doctor and drops his pants, pointing to his "thing" which was so disclosered as to look almost plaid.
The doctor said, "Your thing looks plaid!"
The man says, "I know, what can we to fix it?"
The doctor says, "Fix it? We have to cut it off right now!"
The man runs out the office, desperately wanting a second opinion.
He goes into the second doctor, drops his pants.
Doctor says, "Oh my, that's the worst I've seen in years, it's practically plaid, we're going to have to cut that off right now!"
The guy runs out of the office.
He's running and running, thinking about differing scenarios, and eventually runs out of the medical plaza and into a regular area of town. He sees a sign for a doctor of Chinese Traditional Medicine, he thinks "Ah, now he might think of something different."
He walks in and drops his pants.
The Chinese doctor says "You thing looks plaid!"
The guys says "I know, and the urologists all want to cut it off!"
The Chinese doctor gets a grave look in his eye, shakes his head and starts giggling, "The western doctors want to cut it off, huh?"
"Yes."
Chinese doctor starts laughing. The guy starts laughing with him.
Chinese doctor says "Westerners always want to jump to extremes!"
The guy says "You mean you don't have to cut my thing off?"
The Chinese doctor laughs harder, "No, son, no. No one needs to do that."
The guys is so relieved he hugs the doctor.
The doctor shrugs, "Don't worry, in a few days it will fall off all by itself. Won't hurt at all."Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Mark Twain.Comment
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911 operator picks up the phone:
"911 please state your emergency."
"I'm out hunting with a friend, he grabbed at his heart, screamed in pain and passed out. I think he's had
"I'm sending paramedics to your location, please stay on the line with me."
"...a heart attack."
"Is your friend conscious?"
"No, not at all. I think I should start CPR. Do I start CPR?"
"Do not start CPR unless you're sure his heart has stopped."
"Alright, just a second."
BANG!
"Okay, now?"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Mark Twain.Comment
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Why can’t seagulls fly bayside.'I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.'
- Gandalf the Grey
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Foo TimeComment
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Cause then they would be bagels.'I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.'
- Gandalf the Grey
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Foo TimeComment
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Will Farrell v. Mark Wahlberg Dad Joke Showdown
“No team in the country has a better winning percentage against power conference teams since 2017 than Gonzaga... the Zags are playing above average teams in the best leagues in the country and winning 78% of the time.”
-Ken Pomeroy-
https://www.ksl.com/article/50342950...in-perspectiveComment
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