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Thread: Dad Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default Dad Joke Thread

    Why did the soldier salute the refrigerator?
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    Because it was a GENERAL Electric...
    “There is no premium content on the GUBoards. We get what we pay for.”
    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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    A ham sandwich walks into a bar...
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    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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    The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve food here."
    “There is no premium content on the GUBoards. We get what we pay for.”
    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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    Default Dad Joke Survivors

    “There is no premium content on the GUBoards. We get what we pay for.”
    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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    Five stars!
    Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right

  7. #7
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    Never trust an atom.
    “There is no premium content on the GUBoards. We get what we pay for.”
    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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    They make up everything.
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    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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    Default


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    An 80 year old Irish man go to the doctor for his annual physical. After checking him over, the Dr. says

    "You're in remarkable shape for a man your age. How do you do it"?

    Well, I play 18 holes of golf every day, drinking a shot of whiskey on every hole. When done, I relax and drink beer.

    I certainly wouldn't recommend that for every one, but it seems to have worked for you. How old was your Dad when he died?

    Who said my Dad is dead?

    He's not?

    Nope he plays golf with me every day and when the round is over he likes to take long walks on the beach!

    Amazing, said the Doctor. So how old was your Grandfather when he died?

    Who said he was dead?

    Don't tell me...he plays golf with you every day too!

    Well yes, but he didn't play today. He got married.

    Why would any man his age want to get married?

    Who said he wanted to!
    Hoping you have a sense of humor too!

  11. #11
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    What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?



    Dam.
    What are you doing, Adam? Do you even know how many people go blind from pizza shrapnel?

  12. #12
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    “There is no premium content on the GUBoards. We get what we pay for.”
    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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    What is brown and rhymes with snoop?

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-T337A using Tapatalk
    If you can't handle the confusion, stay out of the Foo!

    Uber on GuBoards: "Pathetic. We've got posters just sleepwalking through threads."

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    Dr. Dre!!!

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-T337A using Tapatalk
    If you can't handle the confusion, stay out of the Foo!

    Uber on GuBoards: "Pathetic. We've got posters just sleepwalking through threads."

    No Foo for You!

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    I heard this one from the neighbor kid. Obviously his Dad told him this one.

    Why did the iPad go to the dentist?

    It had bluetooth.
    You can't make a half sandwich. If it's not half of a whole sandwich, it's just a small sandwich.

  16. #16

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    Why did the belt go to jail?

    He held a pair of pants up.

  17. #17
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    What’s a dinosaur’s least favorite reindeer?


    Comet.
    “There is no premium content on the GUBoards. We get what we pay for.”
    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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  18. #18
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    How do ducks learn to fly?

    They just wing it.

    My 4 year old told me this one today. I thought he was asking a genuine question and then he gives me the punchline

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    What do you get if you put salt on a Christmas card?

    A seasoned greeting
    You can't make a half sandwich. If it's not half of a whole sandwich, it's just a small sandwich.

  20. #20
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    Well, today was not a good day. I decided to go horse riding, something I haven't done in many years. It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slowly, but then we went a little faster; before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn't stop.
    Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine. But he had the nerve to take the rest of my change so I wouldn't attempt to ride the Elephant.
    Merry Christmas to all you foosters!
    Hoping you have a sense of humor too!

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by willandi View Post
    Well, today was not a good day. I decided to go horse riding, something I haven't done in many years. It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slowly, but then we went a little faster; before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn't stop.
    Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine. But he had the nerve to take the rest of my change so I wouldn't attempt to ride the Elephant.
    Merry Christmas to all you foosters!
    Haha! Those machines are surprisingly hard to find now! Outside of hiding in clothes racks and watching your mom frantically look for you, the kiddie rides were the best part of going shopping when I was a kid!

  22. #22
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    What do you get when you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?



    A Pineapple

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    What do you get when Santa goes down a chimney with a lit fireplace?



    Crisp Kringle

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    What do you buy a mummy for Christmas?



    Gift Wrap

  25. #25
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    How did Darth Vader know what Obi Wan got him for Christmas?

    He felt his presents.
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    Pope John XXIII in his remarks to the College of Cardinals
    -12-21-2012
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