OT- Please keep Reno in your thoughts and prayers

[UberZagFan]

So sorry for your loss, Reno. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G925A using Tapatalk

[RenoZag]

With Gratitude

Please accept my sincere thanks for your thoughts, prayers, messages, and inspiration.

Today is Lisa's memorial service. Friends, family, members of her congregation, former co-workers (hers), current colleagues (mine) will gather on what the Weather Channel says will be a wonderful Spring Day in the Truckee Meadows. Afterwards, we'll retire to our home of 24 years and fill the backyard she enjoyed so much with toasts, memories, laughter, love, and (sigh) tears. There may even be a fire pit engagement involving a wee nip. I suspect this will be an important and significant step in the recovery process for me and my daughter, Amanda.

I'm not delivering the eulogy today as I did for my father in 2008 and mother in 2012. I did those because my sister asked me to. Thus tasked, I took pencil to paper and captured in words a bit of their history, their legacies as parents, the love they gave and received. It's a hard thing to do, speaking at a parent's funeral, but I managed. When asked if I wanted to say a few words today by my wife's service coordinator, I declined. This loss is so different, so raw, so overwhelming. . .

There will be time to wrestle with words in the days and weeks to follow. I need to do it for my own sake; it's how I process things. William Wadsworth's oft-quoted line from his Preface to Lyrical Ballads serves an appropriate purpose here

“Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility.”

as I close with the admission that I have the spontaneous overflow part covered and look forward to the inevitable arrival of tranquil recollection.

Peace.

P.S. Beat Syracuse !

[northsidezagfan]

Beautiful post Reno. My family will be praying for you today.

[TheZagPhish]

Best to you and Amanda, old friend.

[Zag4Hire]

What profound feeling and insight. Prayers for you and your family.

[Zags11]

Awesome post.

[LongIslandZagFan]

God bless you Bill... All our love and prayers for you and Amanda. Wondering if Lisa had a hand in this beat down tonight.

I could not imagine going through what you have gone through not just recently but the time she had been sick. My wife is a 1.5 years younger. I couldn't imagine how I'd even come close to coping.

Have a martini for me by the fire pit my friend.

[Nevada Don]

This Gael asks for Gods Blessings to wrap you in the comfort of your family and friends during this most difficult time.

[Zag4Hire]

Nothing but love and positive thoughts tonight. At the forefront of my thoughts and prayers.

[siliconzag]

Dear Reno Zag,

I was deeply saddened when I read this thread today. I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you and your wife in my prayers. Although I have always admired your posts and insights. I can imagine that your life will be filled with sadness for awhile and I hope it consoles you to know so many of us are heartbroken as well at the news of Mrs. Reno Zag being called to heaven's team so soon. I will light a candle for her and you the next time I am in the Cathedral in Lucca, likely Easter Sunday. God Bless you Reno.

Loving sympathy,
Sili

[Zag4Hire]

Reno,

Thoughts and prayers.

[sideshow06]

Prayers from a Gael fan. Rivalry is great but we're all in this together. God bless.

[RenoZag]

Prayers from a Gael fan. Rivalry is great but we're all in this together. God bless.

[mendiant]

My prayers are with you, Reno!

[RenoZag]

Many thanks to the GUB. . .

The Somewhat Annual Christmas Missive - December 2016


“We’re taking a pause in the action here at Metro Bud Lite Viagra Stadium where the Las Vegas Hardee’s Raiders are leading the San Diego Chick- fil- A Chargers by a score of 10 to 3. This webcast is sponsored by your friends at New York Philly Boston Life, your one-stop shop for Life, Home, Auto, and Pre-Nuptial Agreements. And by the National Anti-Trust Exemption Football League in partnership with Exxon Mobil, the National Rifle Association, and the Putin Foundation.”

* * * *

The last time I introduced my somewhat annual Christmas Missive with similar whimsy was probably 2008, maybe 2007. Life was different then. “Trump” was a term heard only at cheesy New Jersey casinos and the Wednesday night Elks Club Hearts game. Amazon wasn’t subsidizing the downtown Seattle real estate market, the Chicago Cubs were loveable losers, and Tiger Woods was pursuing more than major tournament championships. My daughter was 14 or 15 years old, well on her way to receiving the free brain implant that makes teenage girls way smarter than their parents at the same time it renders them twice as likely to leave the dinner table in tears. And our dear Lisa was a year or two away from the stroke that ultimately took her from us this past March.

The inescapable arrival of Christmas brings glad tidings, comfort and joy, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and ads for finely crafted automobiles that suggest you, too, can make this a “season to remember.” The secular world and the spiritual realm collide with a vengeance between Thanksgiving’s dinner and Christmas’ breakfast. Some years the two competing interests achieve—in my mind—a kind of détente, a diplomatic cease-fire between crass commercialism and the “reason for the season,” which in itself sounds like a Madison Avenue tag line for radial tires.

Visitors to these annual letters no doubt will recognize a recurring theme wherein your barely reliable correspondent wrestles with the duality of sacred Christmas traditions that have been overlaid with the profane modernism of consumer culture. I once wrote a column in my college newspaper addressing the irony of electric utilities underwriting holiday lighting displays in small towns across America. It was loosely based on the truth so in a way I was an early adopter of “fake news” but with a smaller audience and much narrower bandwidth. This year’s letter is different from those previous missives. There’s no snappy finish, no modern moral of hope restored, traditions honored, or memories resurrected.

Of course you understand why my heart isn’t “into it” on this go-round. Those crazy Christmas letters, non-traditional commentaries that flowed like a freshly tapped keg at a frat party were written knowing there would be an immediate audience of one: my always present reviewer and critic, who tolerated my excesses, encouraged my cleverness, and embraced the unconventional detours from the usual December greeting card insert. They were written for her first and for you, my wonderful friends, readers, and co-conspirators, second. Before they hit the mailbox, Out Box, or Facebook, they had to pass muster with her first. I’m flying solo this year and it’s been a long, long time since I’ve done that.

Coming to grips with the series of “first [ insert event here ] without Lisa” has been a struggle at times, I’m not going to sugar coat it. One tends to take for granted the things you do with each other until you can’t do them anymore. Her illnesses took some selections off the menu, but there were still things we could do together: Watching the Zags on TV. Hitting the COSTCO after she attended church on Sunday morning. Friday afternoon cocktails on the back deck wherein we solved the world’s problems and a few of our own. Choosing the bill of fare for a summer barbecue. Picking the music and the right bottle of wine for a quiet dinner for two. Binge viewing on Netflix. Watching HBO and 60 Minutes on Sunday nights. Events in the moment which felt mundane at the time now inform my memories of her the way a candle flame creates dancing shadows in a darkened room, bits and pieces exposed by the changing light which your mind stitches together to fill the entire scene.

So far, the “first. . .withouts” include Amanda’s 23rd birthday, a 25th wedding anniversary, barbecues and fire pit sessions at Reno Falls, Halloween, my 59th birthday, Thanksgiving, and the start of my 31st year at Fortifiber Corporation. Soon comes Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Before you know it, Lisa’s birthday ( February 11th) and Valentine’s Day --she called it a “Hallmark Holiday” – will roll around and on the Ides of March we’ll mark a year without our wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, soul mate, coach, cheerleader, and [ insert your own term of endearment here ].

I want to again thank you all for the love and support you’ve given me in this toughest of years and for providing the moments of sanity and perspective I needed to wade through the sea of heartbreak. You have been a gift to me and Amanda. I’ll never forget the things done to ease our grief, the kindness extended, the hugs given, the memories shared. When I needed to vent, to sigh, to cry, you were there. When I needed to be alone, you sensed and respected my desire for solitude and quiet remembrance. The generosity of your spirit gives me strength to move forward; without it I would be lost. You were there when I needed it most and I will always be grateful for it.

* * * *

Putting up the tree was never in doubt. Stringing a few lights in the yards was a sure thing. Come December 24th, Amanda and I will pop some corn, watch George C. Scott’s portrayal of Ebenezer Scrooge in Dickens’ “Christmas Carol,” and cuddle on the couch, in front of the fire while we do so. We may even watch Hans Gruber take a dive from the top of Nakatomi Plaza for old time’s sake. We all have our holiday rituals. . .

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
So hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

- Hugh Martin, Ralph Blane