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View Full Version : OT SnapCo Memo - Merry Christmas



Bowser
02-13-2008, 11:00 PM
To: Birddog
From: Bowser
Re: Improving Gross Margins
Date: February 13, 2008

Belated Christmas Greetings. You'll be happy to know I got a copy of Ulysses for Christmas. Call me an optimist.

At SnapCo headquarters, our energetic and brainy spokesmodels were up to their usual hijinx during the Winter. If you thought BZ was a bit out of sorts during the Holidays, it wasn't his fault. The girls sent him a copy of their version of "Santa Baby." Mrs. B, who has taken to opening my email, told me it was, in her words, disgusting. Another one of the gals did a commercial for some jewelry outfit and sued them. Unfortunately the "Rock Her World" video is no longer available on YouTube. Google it. I am trying to buy the sound track. I thought we could run it with some Zag highlight film ending with a Pargo slam.

For years I have depended on you for picking out the right Valentine gift for Mrs. B. In fact, it is those discussions that led to the founding of SnapCo. And with a garage full of product, I figured this year would be easy. So I'm heading out to the garage to pick out a bottle of wine, some pork chops and a couple of exotic outfits and I hear her say "You're not intending to shop in the garage . . . are you?" Yee Gawds. Now this. So there I was at the Mall with the rest of the schmucks at Kay Jewelers. See's Candy was a wasteland. Had to stop at Walgreens. Got a Whitman Sampler. Something for myself too.

And have you checked out the GUB board? It is a little hinky at times. One of our models was comparing her cup size to that of WCC centers. [The men.] Another board luminary was advocating the deductibility of blow-up dolls as "an ordinary and necessary business expense." I thought depravity was my capital city. Go figure.

And I got to hand it to you. You were right about Oregon. The State of Oregon has presented a fertile territory for our products. Beaver Nation responded as you would expect and in all product categories. Duck fans did not disappoint either. Remember those 13 inch green and gold codpieces that showed up from the manufacturer 10 inches short? As always, you called it. After we marked them "Oregon XXL" we had to re-order. LOL. They were selling like flapjacks.

Anyway. Gotta go. I got stuck with the corset tightening tests and lotions again.

TheBeast
02-14-2008, 06:13 AM
:allhail:

MedZag
02-14-2008, 06:16 AM
Another one of the gals did a commercial for some jewelry outfit and sued them. Unfortunately the "Rock Her World" video is no longer available on YouTube. Google it.

She did a pretty... uhmm.... convincing commercial.

gozagswoohoo
02-14-2008, 06:16 AM
Good to hear from you Bowser.

:clap:

Rubbadub
02-14-2008, 07:44 AM
One of our models was comparing her cup size to that of WCC centers. [The men.]

Now THAT was a good thread.

lothar98zag
02-14-2008, 09:01 AM
When is SnapCo going public?

Birddog
02-14-2008, 09:23 AM
When is SnapCo going public?

Funny you should ask. We are presently shopping around for a private equity investment firm or venture capital outfit to get us over the next hump and also to deal with the nastiness that we are getting from the lawyers representing that "tool" company with a similar name. Who'd a thunk Codpieces would make a comeback without the benefit of some rapper/hiphop celebrity advancing the notion? Then again, who'd a thunk we'd all willingly pay $2 a cup for coffee on every corner in America and adopt a whole new culture to go along with it. It's like surfing, you're either on the wave or you're off the wave. Like Grandma said, it's better to be lucky than smart.

Birddog

PS
Bowser, got any ideas to capitalize on Kelvin and IU's latest misfortune? My first thought was a red and white striped codpieces with the international symbol of a circle with a slash over the number 3. The same thing would work for the thong. We've gotta move fast though, Kelvin might not last through the weekend. Another thought, the rapper/hiphop thing made me think that maybe some codpieces with attached "bling" would open up a new urban market. Sorta like this one
http://www.fashion-era.com/images/Wedding/elizabethan_weddings/codpiece_wedding_groupcod650x20.jpg

Birddog
02-14-2008, 09:35 AM
Bowser:

Enclosed is the photo of the prototypes for SMC. Can you just see the air filled mascot parading around with one of these? or how about Samhan? that'd be good.
http://www.medievalfantasiesco.com/Armor/CodpieceOptions.jpg

Birddog

Bowser
02-14-2008, 09:40 AM
BD:

As soon as you mentioned Kelvin, I called our factory guys in Wishram. Two thousand units of "The Kelvinator" should be ready to ship by Sunday. It combines a baseball cap and a codpiece. We think the Big10 schools will go crazy for them.

We looked into imprinting Kelvin's face but our lawyers were worried about "the right to publicity." And with the money boys looking at us, we sure don't need any more car wrecks.

BTW, the sports bra photo shoot with Monique is set for next week. You know she really looks like someone else we know. Not the most brainy of the bunch but she's got the wiles of a big time predator. And she keeps asking about you.

Double BTW: I noted that WooHoo has enjoyed some conjugal success. I think we need to recognize it in some way. Thoughts?

Your Pal,

Bowser

Bowser
02-14-2008, 10:13 AM
BD:

More on Sampson. The design crew suggested combining a cod piece with a cell phone. No name yet. I had to sweep all their vodka bottles off the conference table to look at the sketches. I'll tell you, I wouldn't want to answer one of the things.

SnapCo Thongs. This is our core competency.

PS: The design crew might be more productive if they stuck to those $2 coffees. They pitched a sandwich to sell at a home game. It's called the HamSan. The pitch: Meaty but tasteless.

Your Pal,

Bowser

Birddog
02-14-2008, 10:16 AM
Bowser:

I just got off the phone with those morons in Kenosha, and in a case of "sometimes you step around it instead of in it", I may have hit a home run. I told the dude that he would be a lot more productive if he dressed one of their models in our thong instead of suing us. I suggested the nice red one with the chrome highlights. There was a long pause on the phone and next thing you know, we're talking about about a photoshoot to be followed by a mechanics model codpiece with some chrome appliques of tools. The possibilities are nearly endless when you think about it. I can see those tool van guys now digging through their stuff to sell every guy in the shop a genuine SnapCo codpiece! "Hey dude, would you like one with a big tool or a smaller one, never mind". Damn, I hope this goes, the next step will be NASCAR and hell, they feed the masses. They are like Starbucks for racing nuts and people who like a lotta noise.

For a tribute to WooHoos success, how about a "WooHolster" We can modify the sportsbra and market it to expectant mothers who are "moving up" in size. With some of WooHoos original poetry on each one, we would have a winner for sure. Yeah, I know we'd have to pay WooHoo, but I think he's looking for a career change. Not many successful insurance dudes sit around writing poetry anyway.

I gotta go, the SO made it quite clear that if I did anything like the heart shaped pepperoni pizza and the flowering cactus from last year it would not make for any WooHooin' this evening. Priorities!

Birddog

Bowser
02-14-2008, 10:27 AM
BD:

Call the cheeseheads back. We've got a bidding war between them and Sears.

RE: the WooHoo commemorative line. Its too bad I like the guy because I've got a name I like. I'd name the maternity line the "WooHoo! OhNo!." But I can't do it in good conscience. Its really not that funny.

And where did you get the picture of the Board of Regents?

Your Pal,

Bowser

PS: Somehow I missed the WH poetry. The design crew says they can only fit haiku on a garment that small and it's still going to be 10 pitch. Even when I had good eyesight, I frequently got slapped good and hard for trying to read some gal's shirt or back pocket. Its a product liability lawsuit waiting to happen. I can tell you rhinoplasty is not cheap.

Birddog
02-14-2008, 10:33 AM
Bowser, I forgot to include a WooHoo sample.

Roses are Red,
My poems are clever,
I love you so much,
you'll be the best mom ever.

There is more over on the Foo Board, some may need some work before production.

Really gotta go,
Birddog

PS, I stole the picture from the Rogues Gallery last reunion. They had it covering up the picture of the Swimming Team, I'm not sure if that was a joke or not.

PPS Love the idea of codpiece as combo cell phone holder, again, possibilities are endless.

gozagswoohoo
02-14-2008, 11:04 AM
I love the woohoo holster idea, and I can provide more poetry if needed. Oh, and as far as you guys needing to pay me, I accept fig newtons as payment. That or cash...

And thanks for the recognition, the products look magnifying.

ZagNative
02-14-2008, 11:20 AM
I managed to resist the urge to open this thread for a considerable period of time, cautioning myself, "Oh, it's just another one of the boys from the St. Al's neighborhood's underpants threads ..." Boy, was I ever wrong! It's the boys from the hood's brassiere thread! Carry on fellows, pushing and shoving each other down in the snow and sniggering over the whole range of underwear possibilities ... resting only long enough to set fire in the cloak room and search for double entendres in everything Sister Imelda Ann says at the front of the seventh grade classroom at St. Al's ...

Boys definitely will be boys .... apparently forever.

Edited to add: If I missed some subtlety here, it's because my eye is trained to scan for the word "basketball." Silly me. On a basketball board ... Zagnative gives this thread one lousy star.

a13coach
02-14-2008, 01:26 PM
I managed to resist the urge to open this thread for a considerable period of time, cautioning myself, "Oh, it's just another one of the boys from the Logan neighborhood's underpants threads ..." Boy, was I ever wrong! It's the boys from the hood's brassiere thread! Carry on fellows, pushing and shoving each other down in the snow and sniggering over the whole range of underwear possibilities ... resting only long enough to set fire in the cloak room and search for double entendres in everything Sister Imelda Ann says at the front of the seventh grade classroom at St. Al's ...

Boys definitely will be boys .... apparently forever.

Edited to add: If I missed some subtlety here, it's because my eye is trained to scan for the word "basketball." Silly me. On a basketball board ... Zagnative gives this thread one lousy star.

Yes I believed you missed something here. The Bowser-BD memo exchanges are legendary around these parts.
Carry on gentleman, carry on. :clap:

UberZagFan
02-14-2008, 02:18 PM
Superb work on this thread.

And ZN, if you really one starred this thread you should be publicly flogged!

kitzbuel
02-14-2008, 06:55 PM
Superb work on this thread.

And ZN, if you really one starred this thread you should be publicly flogged!
Or at least give some complimentary product of the board's choice.