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View Full Version : OT: SnapCo Memo No. 2



Bowser
12-19-2007, 05:01 PM
To: Birddog
From: Bowser
Re: SnapCo, LLC Status Report
Date: December 19, 2007

I made the mistake of perusing the GU Board and now wonder just what in Hades we have created. Given the urgency of the matter, you need to get to Stillwater or wherever in Oklafrigginhoma you need to be, ASAP.

If it wasn’t bad enough that WooHoo thought the RFP for sexual harassment coverage was an invitation to become a principal in the firm, he also tried to solicit some Playboy bunny to be a spokesmodel [way too skinny in my estimation/ hip-to-waist ratio way, way off]. Apparently his new wife is royally PO’d and rightly so, at least procedurally. I’m hoping your good looks and aw shucks country mannerisms can smooth this over. If anyone can handle this you can. I told you the experience with Jane and Gunther would eventually pay off.

Moreover, as an old coot, you need to mentor WooHoo on the spousal buy-out gambit. He’s young but he needs to learn to never promise anything tangible like jewelry. [Kobe is a nitwit in this regard.] My “Our love is not a commodity” line usually works. [Swoon City. LOL] Otherwise you keep getting leveraged up.

If that were not enough, it gets worse. WH is also trying to hook up with one of our authentic GU spokesmodels. She’s going to the Okie game. She’s married. This is a train wreck. NB: We are trying to run a lingerie business here not a political campaign. Anyway, the expense account is wide open on this one.

I also think we need to explore the possibility of another business line. Are you still hooked into that orthopod group. Reading the Zag news, we could really use some technological innovation to create products for ankle, knee and foot protection. I’m one more rolled ankle from completely losing it.

[BTW, have you seen the new Cadillac commercial? It features a more mature gal who wants her car to reciprocate when she “turns it on.” Pretty stupid when you think about it. But I have always been a sucker for a gal in a turtleneck. Especially blue. It’s why I stopped snow skiing. I think we need to interview her. We have not really concentrated on this demographic.]

On the bright side, your idea on the codpieces was genius as usual. With the yellow piping on the green, sales, particularly in the Bay Area, are surging. Apparently they are being stuffed in stockings all over Northern California. Go figure.

Oh, and Frank is completely bummed that his Musketeers got routed by the Sun Devils. Too bad.

Your Pal, Bowser

Ziggy
12-19-2007, 05:15 PM
Thank God for a little GonZo literature to break the tension for us all! While I can not elucidate the actual meaning I can still go with it for a long while before I ask for credentials. Also, thanks for the honesty on Off Topic, even though you make reference to Okla-what-ever, I would hate to think we were debating the exigencies of a privte jet or a beverage roll call for criminy sakes! Welcome back Bowser, we missed you!;)

TheBeast
12-19-2007, 05:23 PM
Welcome back Bowser, we missed you!;)

Agreed.

46 posts, each one more eloquent than the last.
Huzzah!

kitzbuel
12-19-2007, 06:32 PM
SO any wooing on the part of Woo-hoo will have to be extremely discrete.

I think your safe. Woohoo tends to be about as discrete as a turd on the table. Just ask Mrs. Woohoo, he leaves Playboy Bunny contacts laying right out in her plain view and then gets so tongue tied he can't tell her it is purely a business interest, which of course it is ;) .

RenoZag
12-19-2007, 08:56 PM
WooHoo previously announced he couldn't make the OU game, but with all of this ruckus, he may be swayed to change his mind. . .

RenoZag
12-20-2007, 05:05 AM
What happened?

Thread Here (http://guboards.spokesmanreview.com/showthread.php?t=7960)

Birddog
12-20-2007, 06:24 AM
To: Bowser
From: Birddog
Re: SnapCo, LLC Status Report
Date: December 19, 2007

Bowser, I share your concerns about WH. I've tried, believe me I've really tried to get through to him, but he's a salesman to the core. He's all enthusiasm and emotion, there isn't a logical bone in his body, and as I pointed out to him, he hasn't had so much as Logic 101 let alone a full blown Philosophy course. I warned him about the spousal balance sheet and he didn't even hear it. Like most salesmen, he thinks he can just make another call and another close, the marketing costs be damned. Jeez, he could use a little accounting too but right now he 's totally focused on spiffs, trips, and quotas. He handles a flip chart as smoothly as you do a centerfold. You'd think there would be some crossover skills there wouldn't you.

I told you Mee755 was "brainy", not to worry about her, she's a "looker" with class and decorum, a rarity these days with the likes of Brittany and Paris. I can assure you that if the paparazzi snap a photo of Mee exiting a car the photo will NOT show up on a porn site, we may however, get a spike in sales.

I guess you haven't seen the sales figures for the Codpieces from the Great Plains area. With the initial surge our hard sales figures were excellent, but the sales graph shows a climax in October, followed by softer sales in early November, and now in Mid Dec, you could say they have petered out. Even sales of the Husker Red, Mizzou Black, and Kansas Blue are flaccid. We're in withdrawal now. The good news is that I think with only slight modification, we can sell the N California color scheme (green with yellow piping) up there in Oregon, maybe put that toilet seat logo on 'em. We need to keep the legal staff on top of it though, Nike will give us hell if there is any kind of sales activity at all. I think every Tom, Dick, and Hairy "Duck fan" will want one. If that works, we can do the Orange and Black thing. Think of it, a Beaver Codpiece. We can be the supplier of codpieces to every dumb Duck and Beaver.

I like your idea about the Ortho device, I'm thinking something like a chopat strap for the ankle. This team is gonna need a road trip to Lourdes if this crap keeps up.

I'm a bit pressed for time, so I'll have to wrap this memo. I'm leaving for NM for my annual ski trip on Friday morn, and of course this evening is the game. I may not even be able to write a post game memo, libations come first. In fact, I have to beat feet down to the Hobby Store to get some belly paint for the game. I probably have enough Blue left, but I'm completely out of white.

Too bad about Frank, but the Musketeers haven't been the same since Annette started dating Frankie.

Birddog

PS How come whenever I hear "Santa Baby", I think of Jane?

GoZags
12-20-2007, 06:51 AM
[QUOTE=Birddog;127156]

I told you Mee755 was "brainy", not to worry about her, she's a "looker" with class and decorum, a rarity these days with the likes of Brittany and Paris. I can assure you that if the paparazzi snap a photo of Mee exiting a car the photo will NOT show up on a porn site, we may however, get a spike in sales.

QUOTE]

Bingo.

Sorry I will miss you guys for our pre -- game meal (at one time a staple of Zag games in the lovely state of Oklahoma). I just looked it up -- I'm about 680 miles away (in Nashville, TN). If I started driving now I'd be able to make tip-off.

BobZag
12-20-2007, 03:02 PM
So now you guys are assuming I'm a looker. Or has BZ been sending around the photos?

No way! I'm a good, wholesome boy. I don't share photos like these. Holy smokes! :drool:

kitzbuel
12-20-2007, 05:23 PM
Realize I am new to this ball game, but after reading the board here and viewing some of the trade and barter offers being made, I just had a stroke of genius (or maybe just a stroke). The niche for Wii codpiece contollers has to be wide open. The possibilities go beyond Wii, they are huge.