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Bowser
02-09-2010, 10:15 PM
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE- SnapCo, America’s leading manufacturer of men’s and women’s thong underwear and college sports codpieces, will celebrate its tenth corporate anniversary this weekend on Valentine’s Day. Started as home business by two Gonzaga University graduates, the SnapCo concept took shape after the founders John “Bowser” McGrath and Alfonso “Birddog” McDougal were unable to find appropriate Valentine’s Day gifts for their spouses. Inspired by a Wall Street Journal article which described a new thong design as “buttery smooth”, the founders employed a virtual army of home bound seamstresses to assemble thong underwear and the rest is history.

Even though the company is not based in Spokane, the corporate festivities will commence in that Washington city this Thursday night. A corporate representative, Maximillan “WooHoo” Woohowski, will appear at the Gonzaga-St. Mary’s men’s basketball game. Mr. Woohowski, who describes himself as a risk manager, denied that SnapCo had worked with Nike to design new uniforms for Gonzaga and his appearance is simply to enjoy “the synergy of SnapCo and Gonzaga.” He also denied rumors that he would act as the official time keeper for the game. Based on the rumors, both Gonzaga and St. Marys had filed official protests.

Oddly, SnapCo marketing is believed to have its eyes on St. Mary’s senior center Omar Samhan, a longtime villain for Zag fans. When asked, corporate founder Bowser McGrath was blunt. “We watched him progress like that Bryant kid at Santa Clara . . . from goofy fat boy to a monstrous fluffy haired hobbit to a buff metrosexual. . . It’s a great story.. And when we saw him in the I’m Too Sexy dance video, that was it. This will be huge in Australia. We expect the Tentmaker to bring in 5 to 7 million in sales.”

Both known for their frivolous vulgarity, McGrath was asked whether Samhan would present image problems for SnapCo. “Image? Hey I’m King of sexual harassment and carpal tunnel claims. What’s a few more? Our attorneys have to eat too. And they've got expensive hobbies.”

SnapCo is a closely held corporation and not publicly traded.

BavarianZag
02-09-2010, 10:50 PM
easily in my top 3 Bowser posts of all time.

Angelo Roncalli
02-10-2010, 06:58 AM
Uhmmm, Bowser, about that Consumer Product Safety Commission recall of the Priapus model...is it true it's resulted in sagging sales?

MJ777
02-10-2010, 10:51 AM
:lmao: :lmao: :D Love Snapco updates.

gamagin
02-10-2010, 11:18 AM
I was at the Deja Vu strip club recently, wearing my snapco product under my sweatpants. Suddenly my snapco failed, leaving me, well, at full salute.

Have you ever given the snaps themselves a stress test ? One of those babies could put out an eye, if all the circumstances were just right. imo.

thank you,

229SintoZag
02-10-2010, 03:46 PM
I was at the Deja Vu strip club recently, wearing my snapco product under my sweatpants. Suddenly my snapco failed, leaving me, well, at full salute.

Have you ever given the snaps themselves a stress test ? One of those babies could put out an eye, if all the circumstances were just right. imo.

thank you,

You didn't read the warning: Snapco products are absolutely NOT to be used in conjunction with Viagra or Cialis. In fact, such use SPECIFICALLY VOIDS THE SNAPCO WARRANTY.

Read the fine print people.

gozagswoohoo
02-10-2010, 03:50 PM
Will this violate dress code at the MAC?

Birddog
02-10-2010, 04:17 PM
Gamagin, don't worry about failures. Next time be sure to avail yourself with a Snapco personal shopper. Snapco personal shoppers will ask you all the appropriate questions, give you answers and recommendations and all in complete confidentiality. Just for the record, it sounds as if you should have purchased the Ray Gene Grimaldi signature model.

gamagin
02-10-2010, 06:22 PM
Gamagin, don't worry about failures. Next time be sure to avail yourself with a Snapco personal shopper. Snapco personal shoppers will ask you all the appropriate questions, give you answers and recommendations and all in complete confidentiality. Just for the record, it sounds as if you should have purchased the Ray Gene Grimaldi signature model.


Birddog:

thanks for the encouragement. I shouldn't have worn sweat pants. You ever tried to slam the door on a tent flap when you needed to ?

The "artiste" nearest me took a pretty good blow from the snapco button when it malfunctioned & launched like it did.

She now has a permanent imprint above her left eye from the G force of the custom button hitting her there with the impact of a starter's pistol at 2 feet.

The bruise clearly says: "OCPANS" where there used to be an eyebrow.

All in all, it didn't go well.

I was asked not to return for 30 days. And never again in sweatpants.

Bowser
02-10-2010, 09:02 PM
Federal investigators at the Consumer Product Safety Commission are looking into customer complaints alleging an embarrassing failure in thong integrity in a product known as the “Participle”, a thong undergarment that appeals to literary men and is manufactured by SnapCo, the leading American manufacturer of thong undergarments. Known to engineers as “catastrophic elastic failure,” the garment self-destructs under above-normal mechanical stress. However, investigators remain puzzled that the only injuries alleged are facial injuries to third parties.

SnapCo co-founder John “Bowser” McGrath scoffed at claims of manufacturing defects. “These garments are all subject to repeated rigorous testing.” The company recommends hand-washing in cold water and McGrath contends that repeated high temperature machine washings degrade product integrity. He also cited warranty limitations and that unscrupulous vendors substituted the “Semi-colon”, a thong for women, for the Participle. “Hey you can’t eat Viagra like baby aspirin, go to strip clubs in a thong tested for the female body and not have a problem.” There have been no problems with the women’s models “at least, when chicks are wearing them,” McGrath said.

SnapCo co-founder Alphonso “Birddog” McDougal was more succinct. “Whatever. Who knows. But if it explodes like that, it’s not a bug. I call that a feature.”

McGrath struck a decidedly strident tone when defending another product under investigation manufactured by SnapCo but marketed by an independent party and often confused with another SnapCo product. The ‘Priapus’ was designed by the customer for a specific application: Pac10 basketball. So if you want to know about Priapus, you’ll have to ask the Pac Ten Commissioner or look at the standings. Maybe its some counter-ironic weirdo thing he’s got going but SnapCo followed their design specifications. Its not our problem they’ve been let down.”