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Bowser
12-02-2009, 09:03 PM
To: Birddog
From: Bowser
Re: SNAPCO – Mileage and Expense Issues
Date: December 2, 2009

Why am I the one who is always deposed? These lawyers never shut up. I didn’t get to the Prairie Tavern until ten after, only to find Dickau had stiffed me again and was not answering his cell.

Some stupefied crank told me Dan had headed to Big Al’s, one of these new bowling alley/sports bar monoliths in east Cootyville. It even has a Dickau jersey in it. So off I go. I’m walking in at half time, we’re 12 down and there’s Danny up on the screen jawing with Ehlo. In Spokane. Why am I the one who always gets punked?

It’s definitely time for a scotch, four fat fingers. The maitre babe seats me next to a passel of clearly agitated Cougs. I was really in no mood for their theatrics and chest beating every time the Cougs scored or got a rebound. For God’s sake, I was trying to eat a spinach salad.

“What are you lookin’ at? . . . I’m talking to you Popeye.” You know me: scotch is quiet time, so I simply took another sip and turned back to the screen. Plus I didn’t have a beer bottle. You know my history there.

It took a while but the mood began to change as I expected it would. Chest thumping became table pounding. “Hold on to the ball.” “Gawd, run some time off the clock.” “We can’t rebound.” “Oh, fertilizer.” Well, not exactly, as Matty swished another one. They were whining like Ducks, crying like babies. They really know how to ruin a nice dish of chocolate ice cream.

Then it was over. Except that some twisted producer switched to file film of the 30 zip Apple Cup celebration and trophy award. “Thanks a lot for that.” I suppressed my laughter. These depositions are good experience after all.

I know our CPA will freak, based on his lectures about my expense account and my “profligacy”. But I thought that this presented a marketing opportunity and I gave the two Coug babes SnapCo cow fur thongs, the ones from the Hereford Collection, as a consolation prize. So I’m on my way out and the loudest guy says, “Got something for me Popeye?”

What?

Me. Whatta you got for me?

Oh, I got something for you. You got relatives in Akron?

What?

Here. Catch.

And he did. As the Goddess of Irony is my witness all I had left after the visit to the University of Oregon was Uber’s favorite: our Homesteader package, the one with the WaterWitch bark thong and the Sodbuster cod piece. I got the hell out of there. Coug’ll have to get his own batteries.

BTW, fourth quarter looks smokin’ hot.

surfmonkey89
12-02-2009, 09:10 PM
I was just wondering about you this morning.

It's been too long; give Jane my best.

Gonezagaga
12-02-2009, 09:14 PM
I love me some Bowser!

TheZagPhish
12-02-2009, 09:23 PM
I gave the two Coug babes SnapCo cow fur thongs, the ones from the Hereford Collection, as a consolation prize.

Pretty sure that's standard equipment on a Coug girl, not to detract from a clearly generous and undeserved act of grace.

Cheers, B.

BobZag
12-03-2009, 08:46 AM
I think Bowser is redshirting.

UberZagFan
12-03-2009, 11:42 AM
As the Goddess of Irony is my witness all I had left after the visit to the University of Oregon was Uber’s favorite: our Homesteader package, the one with the WaterWitch bark thong and the Sodbuster cod piece.

Let's not forget that Uber has many favorites. Which makes Uber wonder if you really can have more than one favorite? Is one really a favorite when another is of equal value? Is favorite really a number? Damn, Uber has had too much Ehlo already this year...

SteeleMan
12-03-2009, 12:00 PM
he fell outta the rocking chair.

Birddog
12-03-2009, 01:04 PM
To: Bowser
From: Birddog
Re: Mileage and Expense issues and your parentage
!2/3/09

Bowser, are you serious. I've been chasing you cross country via your "Twitters", and "MySpace" postings and now you surface back in your old stumping grounds at the Prairie Tavern while I'm trying to head off the union thugs from SEIU at our Gotebo production facilities. You've got some gall pal or is it chutzpah. I think we can convince the employees to turn down the union deal, but not without some major concessions. The 5 days off per year for "noodling" is gonna put this in the W column for us. If that doesn't do it, then I think an additional unspecified day or two will swing it. Some of the employees just want extra time to check their "jug lines" or go hunting for feral pigs.

Your dismal failure at crashing Obama's State Dinner and then being upstaged by that obnoxious couple is still gnawing at me and the accountant. I hope you made some contacts that are worthwhile, but getting all cozy with the Secret Service will probably not provide much in the way of sales. Yeah, I know they are really good guys under that frosty exterior, but you've got to remember that you're not some lobbyist from "K" Street even though the expenses look like it.

The Credit Card charges coming in from Orlando are outrageous, are those Enquirer guys worth that much for tips? OTOH, if we can get even one of Tiger's coterie of consorts signed up, it could be a coup. I don't yet know if it is serendipitous or not, but orders for those orange and black striped CPs with the "Got Tiger Yet" have started to jump, you may look like a genius before it's over.

I want to stop any more of your contacts with Adam Lambert's people, I just don't know if that's a direction we want to take at this time. Our forte has always been gorilla marketing, but I think that is uncharted territory, at least for me it is, and we need to bring in an expert before we commit. BTW, whatever happened to the T-Bag models you were working on? we kinda missed the peak on that one.

Your Pal,
Birddog

Birddog
12-03-2009, 02:03 PM
Sill waiting for my sample package to arrive?
mee,
Ahem... I do know of a sample package that you could check out, but we'll have to continue this conversation offline. You may be gone, but you're not forgotten, Sarah Palin be damned.

Birddog