View Full Version : Justice Be Not Poetic

03-13-2009, 10:00 PM
SPOKANE (Rooters) – Another West Coast Conference basketball season ended in Las Vegas this week with the Gonzaga University men running the table. The Zags were perfect both in the conference regular season and in the league tournament.

Still the season was not without controversy. And is often true in the WCC, the controversy revolved around the poetic. In past seasons, much has been made of the causal effect of fan inspired poetry, much of it denigrated by literary critics. Some have claimed the hand injury suffered by St. Mary’s College star guard Patty Mills was related to a string of substandard poetry published on the internet prior to the injury. Others scoff that the injury was merely coincidental.

Recent research however suggests that there may be a causal relationship between basketball outcomes and the cumulative effect of what researchers refer to as “verse cataclysmically insipid.” For example, the National Poetry Threat Assessment was raised from yellow to orange at the conclusion of the poetry reading performed during the inauguration of President Barack Obama.

Likewise during a pivotal game between Gonzaga and Santa Clara, police suspected a poet had precipitated an incident which temporarily interrupted the game. A technical foul was assessed against Santa Clara when a fan or fans threw foreign objects onto the court. Based on witness statements and seat assignments, police detained an elegantly attired man carrying a poetry compilation by Camile Paglia. The man, later identified as a Napa pediatrician, was later released without incident after being unable to reproduce a proper limerick under questioning. However the book, Break, Blow, Burn was retained for forensic lab tests.

With Selection Sunday looming and WCC team St. Mary’s on the bubble, the entire critical community, not just the beret and scarf crowd, is on edge. A St. Mary’s official asked other conference members to refrain from poetry contests and readings until the Committee had made its decision. “It’s just the right thing to do.”

03-14-2009, 08:18 AM

And remember everyone: NO LIMERICKS!

03-14-2009, 09:36 AM
whither st mary's ?
asked the priest at the masses
why, right there, father, pointed the crowd
where they fell on their asses !

Go TEAM Zags